What's Missing?

The other night Tori and I sat outside our little downtown apartment gazing at the city lights while debriefing such a fun-filled week in California (It was my first time there by the way. And yes I'm a believer now). 

We started talking about how busy life has been. As your schedule starts to fill up, it gets easier and easier to just exist in society. School gets crazy with all the research papers required. Work can become hectic with all the deadlines required to be met. And the rest of your time goes to working on your marriage, attending small groups, and catching up with friends. (You try and throw a good night's rest in there every once in a while).

Before you know it, you're absolutely booked. I've been on the opposite end of the spectrum too by the way. I've had multiple seasons with way too much time on my hands. And I usually fill those with overdoses of Netflix. It starts out innocently until your three seasons into Sons of Anarchy and you feel life slipping into deep ice cream filled depression. Thats another story though I suppose.

Life is full now. And I mean to the very minute. As I was experiencing all of this, I thought where is Jesus in all of this? 

I'm not saying I've stopped praying, reading my bible, or going to church. I do all of that. But there is still something missing. 

As were sitting there, I realize something.

I miss Jesus.

I miss thinking about Him. I miss resting in the good thoughts He has for me and Tori. I miss the energy i get from slowing down and taking in his presence. 

It's so easy to forget too when life is fun and full. But the reality is that somewhere in your life, the absence of resting in his presence seeps out. For some, its that you start believing lies about yourself. For others, it can be physical fatigue. In the story of Mary and Martha, Martha's lack seeped into her frustration with Mary's rest.

 For me, I start to rationalize everything. I know that sounds weird  but its true. I start thinking like and blending in with culture in my thought life. I forget the beauty of what being a believer consists of. 

we get to believe for bigger things
we get to take leaps of faith
we have an anchor
we can have peace of mind
we have a reason to be positive in every situation

But all of that can be taken away, if we let it. The reality is that we need Him and it all it takes is to take a step back every once in a while to rest. 

-Aaron

Remembering Who I Am

I often look around for encouragement in who I want to be like as I continue to grow and develop. I look around and see all the greats going before me. Completely amazed by where they are and what they're like. 

There's something inside of my subconscious that tells me that in order to be as loved and honored by others as they are, I need to just recreate them. 

I caught myself in those thoughts today! 

That's completely wrong! 

There is only one of them and one of me. 

I'm not saying I don't appreciate who I am because I definitely do. I think there are so many special characteristics about myself that God put in me. 

I am saying that I naturally look up to others who I respect, which can be a very positive thing. But there are two things we can't forget when looking at others like ourselves: 

1. We are One of A Kind! 

We are so uniquely made and only you can be the best version of yourself. Look to other for encouragement as you see them blossom, but look to Jesus to tell you who you are. The longer we wait to do that, the longer we prolong growth and LOVE FOR OURSELVES. 

2. Those people that we constantly look up to were a process. They weren't born with such a polished way about them. They went through awkward puberty, thinking too much of themselves, discouragement, and probably a lot of humbling.  

Thanks Jesus for being so real and active in my thought life today.

-Aaron

Position Over Competition

I have an inner dilemma that controls my thoughts pretty regularly. My heart has always been for the ministry and to be leading in some aspect. But right now I'm committed to getting school done and working a part-time job and being faithful with the friend group I've been blessed with. I'm the type of person that wants instant gratification so this season has been stretching for me. I'm excited about school and how well cultured its making me as I dig deeper into Sociology and History, but there is always a pull from my heart to just be giving ministry everything I have. 

I've been thinking a lot about the incredible leaders around me that get to do what I want to do. Its an amazing thing to see someone thrive in what they are called to. It can also be a struggle if you feel called to the same thing but aren't in the same season. There is a decision that has to be made. No doubt that it is a slugfest between my flesh and my confident God-given identity. The decision is to either envy or feel threatened by this equal or to support and help promote them in God's calling on their life. The world tells us that we have to compete and push others down to get what we want and to stay instead. I think the Lord calls us to something higher. 

I watched a message from one of my favorites, Judah Smith called "What Just Happened?" He talks about how our position is granted before our practice and not the other way around. I have to choose to be confident in who God made me to be, in the purpose he has called me to, and that He is the one that opens doors and closes Him. We can try and wiggle ourselves into opportunities, but at the end of the day God has the final say in where favor given. Besides, there is too much baggage that comes along with the world system. Things like: worry, stress, competition, and let down. His way brings promise, protection, faith, and lifting each other up. That's who I want to be and that's who I'm choosing to be. My position is final, therefore my practice can be humble and confident. 

-Aaron

Everything is Secondary

Going home for Christmas break I was really in desperate need of God speaking to me.

Just some background: I am in Birmingham, it has been challenging being away from my family and everything familiar to me.

Going home I was in bliss. I woke up hopped out of my bed to find my parents cooking breakfast and presents under the Christmas tree. It really was too good to be true. We had no school worries, job worries, all we had to do is enjoy our vacation with family. Side note: Fairhope really is the most quaint, homey place in the world. (If you disagree, you have every right to be wrong).

As always, God came through for us and lifted our sprits with powerful message.

The first thing he spoke to us was this: When coping with every day life we have the ability to strategize, learn about ourselves, make plans, make back up plans, read books about who we are as humans. All my life I have collected little things like this along the way the most recent ones being: grace, the importance of community, the power of vulnerability. I have always been the same way. I’ve always been a learner. I love learning new ideas, new things about myself, about God, and about how to relate to other people. I think I secretly was waiting for that one book or person that was going to teach me how to be completely self sufficient and how to be great at everything. Little did I know… All of these things are NECESSARY realizations. So necessary in fact that God teaches us about them. But what God spoke to me was that although these things are God breathed, necessary, and beautiful, they are SECONDARY. We will continue to learn them, and continue to collect these little tidbits about life. What I needed God to tell me though was that I struggle when I convince myself that any one of these things will sustain me, when ultimately only he can do that. God wanted me to understand that yes, these things are beautiful, and yes, he thinks it is sweet that we collect them. BUT he has granted us a trump card called Jesus Christ that beats even the most strategic strategy of living. And I feel like every person that reads this has had this thought before. And it just seems so impractical. But we’ve decided that it has to be real and it has to be practical. And we decided we want to spend the rest of our lives figuring out how we can make it more practical, because these little lessons we learn are all seasonally relevant. We needed to learn grace when we lacked in giving ourselves enough. We needed to learn the value of community when we realized how tough life can be when you’re trying to figure it out by yourself. And we needed to learn the power of vulnerability when we realized, it was the key to becoming a more wholehearted person. But Jesus and the easy yoke he provides, is timeless. And we want to know more about it.

Today we’re headed home from Fairhope and this is the beginning of us trying to set this into motion. For my own sanity I need Jesus to be my primary source. He is the cheat code. In a hard moment I have the choice to rack my brain for the best plan that I can come up with. Probably one of the biggest problems we have is trying to diagnose ourselves in figuring out why were feeling the way we do. - OR I can take the easy and much less commonly used approach, I can trust, worship, pray, or just say Jesus.

-Tori

-Aaron

Sacred Journeys

What is it about these sacred journeys that make the hard times worth while? There is nothing like all the boys coming home and taking a drive to the beach. Familiarities take over and you forget what it's like in the real world. We reminisce of our beach excursions, high school jobs, and concerts we went to. We work through father-son relationships. We talk about how far we've all come and where we're going. I don't know, it's never more appreciated than now. There's something about being with people that have known you for forever that is just another level of friendship. I'm a huge believer in God's timing, and I believe he brings us together when we all need it the most. We encourage each other in the season of life were all in and send each other back out. I can't wait to see what The Lord does with each of these guys. Zach Lazzari is one of the most brilliant minds of out times. Whether a doctor or philosopher, there is no doubt that his ability to devour knowledge will lead him to greatness. Alex Lazzari, the older brother, is one of the most creative people I know. His art inspires, but his friendship even more. He's been with me since the beginning. Jonathan Fruh, my brother-in-law and best friend, never ceases to amaze with his genuine and  kind spirit. Needless to say, they are all one of a kind (and all still on the market... Ladies...). I feel super blessed by their friendship and the greatness they inspire in me. I am who I am today because of them. 
                                                    -Aaron

Hometown Value

First of all, thank you for all of the support we have been given by our friends and family over this blog. We're grateful to have people that consider our thoughts and written words a worthy read. So thank you all!

Aaron and I have been really feeling a raw and rocky form of life for the past few months. Living in Birmingham is completely new. Well I’ve actually lived here for a couple years, but our lives look a lot different now with different circle of friends and people in general.

Growing up I found complete security in my family, friends, and sweet Fairhope. Moving to Birmingham has made me feel a level of fear and insecurity that I never thought was possible. Being away from everything I have ever known has made it so I regularly forget my value. When I was home I could walk in to Los Tacos and know exactly who I was, and my place in the world. If you have had to leave home and leave things that are familiar you know how earth shattering this feeling can be.

For the longest time I was incapable of putting my finger on the origin of my insecurity. I honestly thought that I was just losing my mind, or, of course, that it was Aaron’s fault. Knowing what makes me feel so much less valuable has aided in pursuing things that show me who I am. I, too, have felt this during this season. Its hard living in a place where you and your friends have been molded and then suddenly everyone starts moving away and you’re the only one that feels called to stay behind. I’ve felt my highest highs and my lowest lows in Birmingham and God has been faithful through it all. So I went from a countless number of friends and brothers doing ministry together, to just a couple faithful friends that have their own busy lives and schedules. So though Tori and I have different stories, we are no doubt in the same season of life.

This fight is not over; Birmingham still does not feel 100% like home. We know what we need though and we are pushing to get there- we are trying to get more involved in our church, it can be challenging and sometimes embarrassing trying to bulldoze into a group of brand new people and show them why they should love you. I could go on and on about that. But all I will say is that its so crazy how you feel like the most significant person in the room when you have that best friend with you and you know no matter how big of a fool you make yourself look, they are going to laugh and support you. Going from that scene to a scene of a new click of people that just don’t quite understand how dry of a sense of humor you have and crickets are just chirping away.  We have learned that no matter how uncomfortable though, the slightest bit of social effort on our part means something and makes us feel accomplished. Thinking about the great effort required in making a place for ourselves is comedic in comparison to what it is like in our hometown, but it is something that must be done! And there is so much reward in it. There are just as many incredible people waiting to be connected to us as we to them just around the river bend (stole that from Pocahontas). There is purpose where we have made our home. There are too many people in our circle of influence that we could benefit from by knowing them and could make us better. An example would be how much I’ve realized the substantial fulfillment I get while really valuing my time with my co-workers.

I hope that this can be of some comfort to anyone feeling alone or de-valued in a new place. God has been faithful comforting us and teaching us to expect to see him in day-to-day things. When life isn’t gliding by so quickly and easily its way easier to recognize how he answers our prayers

-Aaron -Tori  

Why embrace blogship?

        So why did we decide to embrace blogship? What made us decide to document significant details of our life and our cat and expect people to be interested? I don't know. I do, Alex Lazzari told us to! We woke up one day and noticed all the creative and beautiful things people were doing around us, and decided that we would like to join the club. FOR EXAMPLE: Jake Carnley and The Great Bear Wax Co., Alex Lazzari and his sweet print business, Courtney Kurtz and her blog/creative site, so many more that we will mention. We searched for weeks for something incredibly creative that we could collaborate on to become our niche. Eventually we decided that niches are overrated and sometimes you just got to pick something and run with it. If it fails drastically, then try something else. To tell the truth, I tried to build a guitar stand with this new found inspiration flowing through my veins. It was a real great guitar stand. I looked at it for a few days and then eventually went out and bought one for $10. What a steal! (Approved by Tori)(true). Not to say, I'm giving up on building stuff, because I built a rockin bar in my kitchen. As the days go on and we post blogs we will show you our progress in things that Aaron builds, I sew, Bugz destroys, etc. Along with things that we're learning, funny stories, and on and on.
At first I was hesitant about a blog because anyone can start a blog. But then we decided to go with a blog because anyone can start a blog... But seriously, I think its pretty interesting the seasons we go through and how we come out the other end of them. And anytime I try and journal privately, I always write it as if someone else is gonna steal it one day and read it. So I was hardly ever honest in my own journals. But we'll try and keep it as honest and authentic as we can without causing our loved ones to worry about us. The thought of publicly displaying things that are hard for us, things we're working on, and things that are just on our hearts is kind of nerve racking. I want us to have a way to document the things that we learn, and I want to share it too. 
I know about 15 people that probably knew for a fact that I would mention Brene Brown at some point within this blog so here it goes. 
Brene Brown with the help of Ted talks, both with the help of Jesus, taught us the power of vulnerability. Inspiring us for all of eternity, and motivating us to be open about what we are experiencing in every day life to reassure all of the other humans that they are not crazy! Either that, or we are just all crazy. 
-Aaron -Tori

Links to our super creative and incredible friends and family:
  
Jake Carnley: Great Bear Wax Co.
        
 Courtney Kurtz
     
Alex Lazzari Printmaking