First of all, thank you for all of the support we have been given by our friends and family over this blog. We're grateful to have people that consider our thoughts and written words a worthy read. So thank you all!
Aaron and I have been really feeling a raw and rocky form of
life for the past few months. Living in Birmingham is completely new. Well I’ve actually lived here for a couple years, but our
lives look a lot different now with different circle of friends and people in
general.
Growing up I found complete security in my family, friends,
and sweet Fairhope. Moving to Birmingham has made me feel a level of fear and
insecurity that I never thought was possible. Being away from everything I have
ever known has made it so I regularly forget my value. When I was home I could
walk in to Los Tacos and know exactly who I was, and my place in the world. If
you have had to leave home and leave things that are familiar you know how
earth shattering this feeling can be.
For the longest time I was incapable of putting my finger on
the origin of my insecurity. I honestly thought that I was just losing my mind,
or, of course, that it was Aaron’s fault. Knowing what makes me feel so much
less valuable has aided in pursuing things that show me who I am. I, too, have felt this during this season. Its hard living in
a place where you and your friends have been molded and then suddenly everyone
starts moving away and you’re the only one that feels called to stay behind. I’ve
felt my highest highs and my lowest lows in Birmingham and God has been
faithful through it all. So I went from a countless number of friends and
brothers doing ministry together, to just a couple faithful friends that have
their own busy lives and schedules. So though Tori and I have different
stories, we are no doubt in the same season of life.
This fight is not over; Birmingham still does not feel 100%
like home. We know what we need though and we are pushing to get there- we are
trying to get more involved in our church, it can be challenging and sometimes
embarrassing trying to bulldoze into a group of brand new people and show them
why they should love you. I could go on and on about
that. But all I will say is that its so crazy how you feel like the most
significant person in the room when you have that best friend with you and you
know no matter how big of a fool you make yourself look, they are going to
laugh and support you. Going from that scene to a scene of a new click of
people that just don’t quite understand how dry of a sense of humor you have
and crickets are just chirping away. We have learned that no matter how uncomfortable though, the
slightest bit of social effort on our part means something and makes us feel
accomplished. Thinking about the great effort required in making a place for
ourselves is comedic in comparison to what it is like in our hometown, but it
is something that must be done! And there is so much
reward in it. There are just as many incredible people waiting to be connected
to us as we to them just around the river bend (stole that from Pocahontas).
There is purpose where we have made our home. There are too many people in our
circle of influence that we could benefit from by knowing them and could make
us better. An example would be how much I’ve realized the substantial
fulfillment I get while really valuing my time with my co-workers.
I hope that this can be of
some comfort to anyone feeling alone or de-valued in a new place. God has been
faithful comforting us and teaching us to expect to see him in day-to-day
things. When life isn’t gliding by so quickly and easily its way easier to
recognize how he answers our prayers
-Aaron -Tori
Love love love this! You two are the best. I'm excited for us all to stay in contact through our similar seasons in different places. Love you both more than you know!
ReplyDeleteI love that in this hard time you guys are embracing and displaying humility. Thats pretty incredible! It could be the opposite - pride, and probably for me it would be. Thank you for your vulnerability. Surely this topic and your story can be a benefit to all who read it. I love you both immensely and I am praying for you. Keep blogging, I need you!
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